My definition of beauty and what I will do to feel beautiful have definitely changed post baby. My son is one year old and I have never felt more beautiful in my life. Not to say I actually am, but I feel that way. It’s funny because I am 15 lbs. heavier than my pre-baby ideal. I had this number in my head for years and I always strive to be at the unattainable. My hips and feet have grown and I am not making this up. The funny thing is, it does not bother me. Before Dutch was born, I was definitely someone who thought a lot about what I looked like. I went tanning, worked out to look good (not to feel good, although I didn’t realize it), thought a lot about what I would wear, whitened the teeth, etc. I have been trying to find my new definition of beauty because whether I like it or not, I don’t feel the same way about some of my former beauty habits.
I do still value white teeth and was using the crest white strips about two weeks after Dutch was born. I remember worrying that the white strip chemicals would affect breastfeeding. Perhaps that’s why I only lasted about two weeks? I started picking my beauty habits back up, but internally, I felt conflicted. I could feel my values changing and was not sure how to react to this. Do I embrace my new-found beauty freedom or start freaking out because I was turning into mom who let herself go?
I have not gone tanning in LORD knows how long. I live in Seattle, WA , it’s 40 degrees outside and I am whiter than white. I am afraid to spray tan because I don’t want to look like Snookie, so I’m tanning to avoid skin cancer. Since when did my invincibility wear off? I swear from age 0-30 I had the feeling I was SUPERWOMAN and I could do anything I wanted to. Now I find myself feeling crazy for tanning before considering my health.
I am no longer obsessed with working out, and instead workout for a stress reliever. I practice yoga to calm myself after days of working eight hours and then going home to take care of my family. I put in my workout videos before the house wakes up because it is my time just for me. I don’t worry about my body nearly as much. Instead, I think I kick ass for creating human life a year ago. It’s almost like becoming a mom released some secret positive energy storage that I didn’t know existed. I have struggled my whole life with being okay with myself physically and am finding such peace in my body now. It is such a relief!
What is beauty to me now? I still want to fit into my jeans and feel comfortable in my body. I want to have healthy, radiant skin that allows me to skip a ton of makeup. I want my son and my husband to think I am beautiful and love me for me. Sure, I still want to look good in a bikini, but it’s more for me now and less for anyone else. Who knew giving birth could make me appreciate my own power so much that I would start to realize I actually am beautiful. Whether it’s 6pm on a Saturday and I am still in my PJs or I am out with my husband having a date night, I am happy to be me.
I can thank my awesome son for that. He opened my eyes to what life is really about. Thanks Dutch. Can’t say I wont ever get botox, but… here’s to hoping.